Lars and the Real Girl presents a picture of a mentally ill man
whose illness is manifest in a way that can easily create awkwardness for his
neighbours, friends, and family. In
fact, his illness does create awkwardness for the people who love him. Lars believes he met a woman named Bianca on
the Internet and that he and she are in a romantic relationship. When he introduces Bianca to his brother Gus and
sister-in-law Karin, they are shocked to realize that Bianca is actually a sex
doll. The source of his family’s awkwardness
in this situation is obvious. What they
do with the awkwardness is remarkable, however.
Acting on the advice of Lars’ doctor, the people who love Lars come to
accept his bizarre relationship and support Lars in the same way they would if
Bianca was in fact a real girl.
Beginning with his sister-in-law, Lars’ family, his church, and his
community surround him with love.
There are spoilers in this post.
The premise of Lars and the Real Girl created some
hesitancy for me before watching the movie.
I assumed it was going to be a crass, gross-out comedy after reading a
summary. Even after reading reviews that
pointed out that it is not, I was still uneasy before pressing play as if these
reviewers have nothing better to do than trick some guy they don’t know exists. I was also concerned that mental illness was
going to be mocked. The movie is neither
crude nor mocking. Instead it is very
blunt to point out that Lars and Bianca’s relationship is totally chaste. It is also sensitive both to Lars and to the
wide range of emotions that people can have when someone they love is facing a
mental illness. How Lars’ brother Gus,
in particular, responds to Lars makes this a valuable movie even if there was
nothing else worth noting.
What strikes me most when
thinking about this movie is the clarity with which it demonstrates love for
one’s neighbour. Love is a central theme
for Christian faith. God demonstrated
his love for us through Jesus’ death (Romans 5:8), Jesus calls loving God with
all your heart and your neighbour as yourself the most important commandment
(Matthew 22:36-40), and Paul gives a lengthy definition of love when writing to
one of the earliest churches (1 Corinthians 13). A question that often comes up when thinking
about Christian love is “How do you love a hard-to-love person?” That question normally makes me think about
how to love people who have sinned in a way that is particularly
horrendous. This is a good question (and
I don’t have an answer yet). Lars and the Real Girl turns the
question on its head, however. What
about when the hard-to-love person is hard to love because of a situation like
Lars’ – one that doesn’t involve evil? I
expect I am not the only person who would want to love and respect Lars, not
know how to go about doing that, and instead shy away from him with the fear of
making things worse.
There is a path of love in the
movie. It begins with Lars’
sister-in-law Karin. Karin is
immediately compassionate for him and does her best to show him love. Karin does not know what to do when Bianca
enters her life, so she serves Bianca dinner and makes up a bed for her as she
would if the doll were flesh and blood.
Gus’ journey doesn’t begin as quickly, but he does respect Lars’ request
to have Bianca live with Karin and Gus. Lars
believes it is inappropriate to live with Bianca while they are not married due
to their religion. Gus and Karin visit a
doctor for advice about how to proceed with Lars. Gus is afraid everyone will laugh at his
brother. It seems like Gus is
embarrassed by Lars but we see him research Lars’ condition, gently stop people
who tease Lars (even when Lars is not around), feel immense guilt that he is
somehow responsible for Lars’ illness, and simply talk with Lars as brothers.
The church also loves
Lars. Gus and Karin go to the church for
help and they find it. There is an honesty
in the movie about Lars’ congregation and it is not a given in everyone’s mind
what to do. A few church leaders gather
together to discuss. Mr. Hofstedtler is
adamant that Bianca will not be allowed into the church. Others are uncomfortable but want to do what
is best – even though they don’t know what that means. Mrs. Gruner is quick to defend Lars against
what she views as attacks on him. Her
quick lecture to her fellow churchgoers is enough to persuade them to look to
the pastor. He asks the simple question,
“What would Jesus do?” Lars and Bianca
are welcomed into the church.
Finally, the community loves
Lars. The hairdressers do Bianca’s
hair. Bianca reads to school children. Someone helps her dance with Lars at a
party. She is brought on outings without Lars. Even Margo, Bianca’s romantic rival, is seen
regularly helping Lars and Bianca despite her disappointment at learning that
Lars has a girlfriend and then her initial shock at learning who the girlfriend
is.
Lars and the Real Girl makes an argument for what love is. Love is accepting of Lars where he is
at. Despite real and proper concern for
Lars, no one expects him to make any changes his life in order to continue to
be loved. Love wants what is best of
Lars. Love cries with Lars. Love sets aside its own awkwardness to for
Lars. Love asks difficult
questions. Love repents when it has made
a mistake in how it reacts, particularly in the case of Mr. Hofstedtler and
Gus. Love is a response of faith amongst
the movie’s Christians. Love helps with
the mundane, like bathing Bianca and helping to carry her wheelchair down the
stairs.
The love that Lars and the Real Girl presents is quite
similar to the love Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13. People are patient with Lars in his
illness. People are kind to Lars. People are not too proud to do some very odd
things to serve Bianca because these odd things will serve Lars. Margo is not jealous of Bianca. Gus and Karin stay by Lars even after
learning he may never realize the truth about Bianca. They always want him to be well.
Lars and the Real Girl presents an odd combination. The movie helps me to articulate and
understand my faith better than I would if I hadn’t watched it. It makes me feel genuinely good about people
and about the church (which is no small feat).
It presents the church and faith in such a way that I found myself
longing to see more actual faith communities like this one.* It is a movie that I can recommend widely –
though not to everyone I’m sure – even though a major character is a sex doll. Lars
and the Real Girl does all of this while still being a good movie. Despite some real lessons a viewer can take
away from this movie, it is not heavy handed.
You can enjoy the movie simply because it is.
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*Please forgive a personal aside. I have been a part of a couple churches that
resemble Lars’ congregation in how they respond to difficult situations. Both of these churches mark highpoints on my
spiritual journey and are absolutely essential pieces to why I continue to hold
onto the faith of my youth.
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